Motivation

During my FAI summer internship the facilitators held an Advancing dialogues on racial equity (ANDORE), dialogue with all the interns. The only question they asked was,” When was the first time you experienced racism”? It never dawned on me that I struggled with racism and it rarely came up in the conversations I had. I usually heard about Native people in a bad light and I did not know much about the history, politics, heroes, and well the culture. All that got me interested in digging for more information, because honestly I had no clue what it meant to be native and I wanted to find out.

I didn’t realize how much of of who I am is influenced by my culture and that I could develop my cultural identity and practice my culture to create a foundation of resiliency. The only regret I have now is that I didn’t reach out to the Elders more or my relatives for information or to teach me things. I wish I had made more efforts when I was younger to learn about my culture.

There is not much I can do about it now except do my best to learn and find the opportunities to connect with Elders and learn as much as I can, so I can pass that knowledge on. My goal in life is to help others explore, develop, and share their cultural identity, so they can heal and use their talents and skills to further the Indigenous community for the next ten thousands years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It means revealing our identity to others; who we are, where we come from, our experiences that have shaped those things, and our intentions for the work we plan to do. Hence, “location” in Indigenous research, as in life, is a critical starting point. (Sinclair, 2003, p. 122)

 

 

Workshop Reflection 1

I could have taken more time to do an icebreaker activity. I also could have taken more time to share more examples of each definition. I think I also want to play music during the workshop activities. Another great idea is to the do workshop activities with the group and to share maybe as a larger group because it was hard for the audience to share among one another or maybe I needed to give cleared instructions. I think I also could have done better at explaining my project. I also need to explain what the Fulbright program is and maybe provide information for how students could sign up for the program themselves?

I think I was a little nervous the day of the workshop, but earlier in the week I got extremely anxious and mildly depressed that it wasn’t good enough. I was so nervous that I did not come in the day prior to the workshop to prep. I really needed that day to prep and print things out and perhaps do a dry run. I did a weak dry run with my partner Cody, but I needed to have at least one hour to practice it out. The workshop ended up only taking 40 minutes. There was 6 students and one student who had come in later but did not fill out the pre-survey out or consent form.

I did the same workshop but I made adjustments. I was not nervous this time, because I had done it previously. I also changed the format by sitting with the group around one table. I moved the tv screen closer, so that I click through my slides. When I provided the definitions I took time to ask students what they thought and just had a conversation about identity, ethnic identity, culture, and cultural identity. 

Another difference was that I provided a larger piece of paper, so students could doodle their thoughts during the workshop. At first students didn’t really use it but as the workshop progressed it was used during the workshop activity. The only difference I would consider in the future is how a workshop activity that seems “innocent” can really stir up past traumas or grief. 

I went to go talk with the Aboriginal counselor on the Thompson Rivers University campus to get advice. She has mentioned that the river of life activity is not a light activity for people who have a history of trauma or deaths in their family, so it is more of a therapeutic activity done with a counselor during a session. I felt awful about this and sort of teared up, because it was not my intention to cause anyone harm. I did provide counseling information at the end of the workshop, but I know I need to consult with the Aboriginal counselor before I plan workshop three.

During the discussion I had with the Aboriginal counselor I realized that I didn’t necessarily need to have a workshop activity. The dialogue can be the workshop activity and students can reflect on the dialogue in their ePortfolio. Just like I am right now. I was trying to create this elaborate program, because I felt pressure from the academic world to make it complex. Except, identity as least for Indigenous peoples is already complex and I don’t need to create an ePortfolio that is complex too. 

After feeling a little bummed out and relieved at the same time I realized I needed to do what I wanted to do this whole time; have a dialogue about these topics. I needed to be alright with not meeting western academic standards and do what the community needs and what they are asking for. I don’t need to come in with my “great ideas”, because it’s not effective. Now, that I have been brought back to reality I am going to ask students what they want from the ePortfolio. 

 

Cultural Identity Groups

  • Tlingit- Deisheetaan
  • Alaskan-American
  • English speaking
  • lower middle class
  • Christianity
  • Millennials
  • Birthdays
  • Potlatch
  • Seafood-shrimp, crab, salmon, halibut, black seaweed, and clams.
  •  About a foot of personal space
  • Colors: red, green, black, and turquoise/teal
  • 2 Moieties: Raven & Eagle
  • Marry the opposite moiety
  • Matrilineal
  • totem poles
  • formline designs
  • Soft voice
  • Elders- authority
  • Values: Respect, sharing,
  • Mid twenties
  • Female
  • LGBTQ2 supporter
  • Independant voter (Undecided)
  • continuous list…

River of Life

My river of life starts with my super immediate family. You see a fish near my family and that represents the advice my uncle Gary had given me as a 12 year old through a phone call, because he moved up north to be with his family. My uncle told me that if I wanted to get community support and scholarships then I needed to invest into the community before they would invest in me. So, he basically told me to volunteer as much as I could and join as many clubs as I could without my grades hurting. 

I decided to try out cross country, because my coach Heather L. convinced me during a basketball game while I selling 50/50 raffle tickets to at least give it a week before deciding it wasn’t for me. Later on my coach Heather mentioned she had seen me running around town and I told her well that was just a mile not 3.2 miles. Anyways, cross country saved me because it allowed me to cope through running. 

The physical fatigue I would get from cross country reminded me how strong I was and that I could transfer that strength to my studies. Even when I felt tired of school and having to go to school early and stay late I knew that feeling that exhaustion was something I could handle. So, then I applied to the University of Alaska Anchorage and continued my education. That is where I met some good friends to support me while I was struggling with homesickness and they helped me get through my first couple of years. 

Part of what helped me gain a community at the University was the students positions I got and the ability to meet more people who worked on campus, whether they were students, staff, or faculty. It really helped me get looped into the university, so much so that an article was even written up about how I coped with homesickness. I really considered quitting the university and without a community and an internship to convince me otherwise I wouldn’t have finished. 

Part of what inspired me was an internship that redirected my thinking. I learned about Alaska Native history and about internalized oppression. It gave me the answer I was looking for when I thought, “Why are there so many social issues in the Indigenous communities throughout the world”? I learned about boarding schools, racism, oppression, colonization, language loss, and how internalizing that oppression got me to think there was something wrong with me and the other around me (victim blaming). 

When I realized that a nursing degree was not exactly what I wanted to do I change my degree to health education, so I could find ways to create prevention programs based on culture and healing from past and current traumas. It  gave me the internal motivation I needed to finish my degree, because I wasn’t getting my degree to just be able to financially care for myself and family. I got my degree to find ways to promote healing and support my community. 

After that summer I joined UAA Native Student Council (NSC), because I wanted to surround myself with others who might be experiencing the same things I was working through. It was a great because I was connected to other students who shared similar values and goals. I was able to get more involved in the native community Anchorage, Alaska when NSC would volunteer at least once month at different venues and for different organizations. 

Being surrounded by Indigenous students who were out there accomplishing a lot pushed me out of my comfort zone. But what really pushed me out of the “nest” was when Dr. Maria Williams, director of Alaska Native Studies, encourage me to apply for a Fulbright grant. I knew that the Fulbright was a prestigious award and I didn’t feel quire worthy. However, my friends from NSC were heading off to graduate programs, peace corps fellowships, and teaching native languages at the university. I realized I too needed to be off doing something to learn more. 

I applied two weeks before the deadline and found out I was awarded with the grant in April 2016. I was shocked, but I did put more effort into that application than any project or assignment I have done before. I worked with 6 different academics and have 3 letters of recommendations. I did 6 drafts for my personal statement and 10 or maybe 12 drafts for my grant statement. I was so worn out that I basically prayed to God/Creator that if I’m meant to go to Canada he better figure it out, because I did everything I could on my end. 

Now, I am in Canada and I have been learning so much from the people here at Cplul’kw’ten, Gathering place and at Thompson Rivers University. I am thankful for all the people who have been welcoming and helpful and for the staff at Cplul’kw’ten and especially Joanne Brown the supervisor at Cplul’kw’ten. I am grateful for Dr. Tracy Penny Light who has been helping me along and is my supervisor. Also, for Skylar S.S. for giving me guidance and advice on my workshops. It has been quite the journey. 

I have learned a lot about myself and about working around identity. I think sometimes you have to take the chance and trust that you will do your best and sometimes that is just enough. However, I have struggled and sometimes I am glad I didn’t know how hard it would be at times. I am not sure I would have chosen to do it if I knew how hard it would be sometimes, but then I remind myself that my past relations had it harder than I ever did. That means the people before worked hard to make it easier for me and I’ll do the same. 

Personal review

Strengths, Challenges, Opportunities, and Habits or Tendencies 

Strengths

  • What skills, education, connections, etc. do you have that gives you an advantage?
  • What do you do really well at that others have difficulty doing?
  • What values do you believe in and show that most people fail to do?

Think about how others perceive you in the workplace and at the university. Has anyone complimented you on a certain behavior, project, etc. and it might help to ask someone if you are having a hard time coming up with an answer or try doing an online search.

Challenges

  • What tasks do you usually  put off, because you don’t want to complete it or do not feel comfortable completing.
  • What are some of your bad habits that affect your ability to complete tasks or job responsibilities?
  • Do you have characteristics that would prevent you from performing your job responsibilities?

Think about this from your own perspectives the other’s perspective of you and just remember to be realistic. If you want you can password protect this page too!

Opportunities

  • Do you have access to technology that can help you achieve your goals or can you get support online that you wouldn’t have otherwise?
  • Is there a specific field that is growing that could provide you opportunities in the future?
  • Do you attend networking events (conferences, events, clubs) or participate in networking (online networking), or ask your friends, colleagues, or mentors to connect you with people in your field?

Habits and/or Tendencies 

  • What barriers do you have at work or at the university that could keep you from being successful?
  • Do you have others who are competing with you for a job or an opportunity?
  • Could any of your habits and/or tendencies keep you from being successful in a job or from reaching your goals?

Doing this analysis could reveal information that needs to be mapped out to identity problems and actions that need to be done in order for you to reach your goals and be successful.

Adapted from the Mindtools SWOT Analysis tool.

Professional development

Volunteer experience:

  • Big Brothers Big Sisters 10-11th grade
  • Providence’s Children’s Hospital volunteer 2009-2011
  • Volunteered at Native Assembly’s soup kitchen 2009-2013
  • Take Wing program Volunteer 2012-2013
  • Native Early Transition Program Volunteer 2011-2014
  • Junior Native Youth Olympics volunteer- 2014
  • First Alaskans Institute volunteer (Alaska Federation of Natives Conference)-2014
  • Native Student Council (Talked with High school students)-2013,2014, 2015
  • Health Summit-Conference Volunteer-2015
  • UAA Alaska Native Alumni-2015 

Conferences:

  • Southeast Alaska Regional Health Consortium: The Seven Circles conference (Sitka, AK)-2005
  • AFN Elders and Youth Conference (Anchorage, AK)-2008
  • Rural Providers Conference (Fairbanks, AK)-2013
  • Alaska Federation of Natives Conference (Anchorage, AK)-2013,2014
  • Alaska Native Studies Conference (Fairbanks, AK)-2014
  • UAA Leadership Conference (Anchorage, AK)-2014
  • Health Summit (Anchorage, AK)-2015
  • Healing Our Spirits Worldwide (Hamilton, New Zealand)-2016

Workshops:

  • Suicide prevention (Anchorage, AK)- 2012,2013
  • Mental Health First aid course (Anchorage, AK)-2012
  • UAA’s Diversity training (Anchorage, AK)- 2012
  • Alaska Native Dialogues on Racial Equity host training (Barrow, AK)-2015

Certificates:

  • CPR & First Aid (Anchorage, AK) -2016
  • Food Worker (Anchorage, AK)-2016
  • Therapeutic Options (Anchorage, AK)-2016

 

Memberships:

  • Native Student Council Alumni
  • UAA Alaska Native Alumni 
  • UAA Alumni Association 

Personal reading: